Hard Conversations on Sex

 What was the conversation around sex when you were growing up?  Was it avoided at all costs?  Was it a one time discussion? Or maybe it was a really open conversation for you.  We all come from different backgrounds and that can impact how you approach the topic of sex with your children.  So before diving into how Todd and I have talked to our kids, I want to give you a resource for you!  We had an amazing opportunity last year (pre-Covid) to attend an intensive training and conference with Dr. Juli Slattery on her book: Rethinking Sexuality.  I could go on and on about how amazing Juli is and how gifted she is on teaching about sexuality, but I know we don't have time to get into all of that.  However, I would highly recommend reading this book.  It helped me identify some of the lies I had been believing and helped me create a view of sexuality based on what God says about sex.  So click on that link, and go read it!

 Before going any further, I want to remind you again that Todd and I are not parenting experts...however, we wanted to just share what this conversation has looked like with our kids and give you some practical resources.  One thing we know is that there can be a lot of shame or embarrassment surrounding the topic of sex.  That message comes from culture, not the way God intended it to be.  So a big part of starting these conversations, is to not be embarrassed or try to shy away from questions your kids might have.  For instance, when you have a little kid and they want to know how babies are made, don't make up some elaborate story just be honest and use age appropriate language.  It's important what you say, but also how you say it.  Allow them to ask questions because it's a really good thing that you get to be the one to educate rather than your kids going to someone else for the answers.  Remember, they will learn about all of this and I think it's better they hear from you than from anyone else.  And the more you start these conversations at a young age, the more comfortable and normal it will be to keep having these discussions as your kids get older. 

  I know one of the topics within sex that I was nervous to address with our kids was pornography.  How are you supposed to start that conversation??  First I want to talk about some safe guards we've put in place and then I'll list some resources.  We've always monitored media consumption.  That's looked different throughout the years but we want to make sure that the messages the kids are hearing from shows, movies, music, etc. are in line with what we're teaching them.  Right now that looks like our kids not being allowed to have their own cell phones, or tiktok or social media.  And when they ask to borrow our phones or computers, they have to use them around us rather than take any device to their room unsupervised.  Now this is a choice we've made, we aren't saying everyone has to do this but it's harder to stumble onto pornography when you don't have a device or app that could give you access to it.  

  But it's not just about sheltering our kids from pornography, but equipping them with understanding why.  In order to do that, we have to educate them on what pornography is, how it is the opposite of what God designed sex for, how it's ultimately empty and self destructive.  And along with that, we've had to be intentional about teaching our kids what is true about sex and about their bodies.  That they are beautiful creations of God's and that sex is a gift from God in marriage and nothing to be ashamed of.  So you might be reading this and feeling completely overwhelmed with where to start.  Let me give you a few books that helped us kick off these conversations.

For ages 3-6: Good Pictures, Bad Pictures Jr.: A Simple Plan to Protect Young Minds 

For ages 7+: Good Pictures, Bad Pictures: Porn Proofing Today's Young Kids

For ages 6-10: The Talk: 7 Lessons to Introduce Your Child to Biblical Sexuality

 Ok, I know this might have been a challenging blog for some of you.  Take a deep breath, and maybe pick one thing you want to do differently in navigating these conversations.  Don't feel defeated.  If your kids are older, it's not too late to talk about all of this stuff!  You're doing a great job and remember, we're in this together!

~Jillian