Hard Conversations

Parenting can be challenging, right?  I mean it's wonderful and rewarding at times, but I think it's ok to admit that it's also really tough!  When we had Kenzie, life was wild with 3 kids ages 3 and under and I honestly felt like most days I was just trying to survive.  As our kids got a little older, I felt less in survival mode but it also started to hit me that I want to raise these little people to be big independent people and what was I doing to help them develop into strong kind people?  

Now, before I go any further I want to make this disclaimer: Todd and I do not have this whole parenting thing figured out.  We make mistakes, we've failed and had to ask our kids for forgiveness...but along the way we've learned a few things.  So that's where my heart is coming from...to hopefully encourage you that it's ok if you don't have it all together, but also to challenge you with some things maybe you could start thinking about.  

One of the biggest things I've learned is the importance of having the hard conversations with my kids.  I'm slightly embarrassed to admit that there were times when my kids would ask a tough question and I'd kind of brush it off or act like they didn't need to worry about that.  Shame on me!  I think it was coming from a place of feeling unprepared or being worried I would say the wrong thing or maybe I was just tired and it just felt easier to delay them. Guess what parents, it's ok to not have the answers all the time, just don't let that stop you from engaging the conversation.  As parents, we have a job to protect our kids but also a job to prepare our kids.  They are going to be educated, it's just a matter of if that education is coming from you or someone/somewhere else. So when it comes to hard topics like: pornography, sex, divorce, homosexuality, racism, politics, etc. it really is our job to teach our kids and to start the conversation. 

Is it hard?  Oh my goodness yes, and it can be scary the first time you venture into one of those topics.  But it does get easier.  I was talking with a friend one time about some conversations I'd had with our kids, and she said "wait, what does that look like?  Do you set aside time for these conversations or do they just kind of happen?"  The answer is yes, to both.  Sometimes we try to be intentional about a time to sit down and talk to our kids and other times they'll wander into the kitchen while I'm making dinner and ask a really big question and I'll just need to roll with it.  And there have been times I've had to say, "you know what, I actually don't know the answer to that.  Can we research it more together?  Or can I do some work and come back to you on that?"  And most of the time my kids are ok with that.  They feel like their question was heard and valued even if I can't give them an answer right away. 

 I know this could feel overwhelming for you depending on where you're at in your parenting and what else might be going on in your life.  So, I'd like to spend the next couple posts giving you some practical tips and resources for how to approach different hard topics with your kids.  And if there's something in particular that you'd like me to address or maybe you've found some great resources, please send me an email (jillian.iannetta@ccchapel.com) or drop a comment.  I'm in this with you!

~Jillian